Regina Brett's Empathy and Gift

I think we all have a public persona worn like a coat of armor to protect us from the assaults of daily life.  It includes the pleasantries we exchange each morning with co-workers, the small talk about personal and current events and the fairly predictable and superficial interactions that make up our daily work.  But sometimes when I least expect it, something much deeper happens. 

I promised in my first post about the Empathy and Innovation Summit at the Cleveland Clinic to write more about Regina Brett.  Until last week, I had never heard of her and had only vaguely heard of her book, God Never Blinks, probably just from seeing it on a newspaper list of bestsellers.    

She’s a columnist for the Cleveland Plain Dealer and hosts a weekly call-in show on the local NPR affiliate.  As additional background, a few excerpts from her bio in the program materials:  “Her book is an inspirational collection of essays and stories about the lessons life taught her along the detours of life. God Never Blinks was written by popular demand.  When Regina turned 50, she wrote a column on the 50 lessons life taught her.  A life as an unwed mother.  A life as a single parent for 18 years.  A life interrupted by breast cancer at age 41.”   The book is an expansion of the ‘life lessons’  column that went viral. 

At the conference, there was an area with books by authors that were speaking.  Since I love to read, mostly non-fiction and self-help stuff, I picked up her book and could tell immediately that I wanted to buy it.  Actually, I bought two copies, one for me and one for someone in my life who has overcome significant adversity.

She was signing books before her keynote presentation, and I wanted her to sign both of them.  As I approached her and then began to explain why I wanted her to sign the book, I began to cry and I don’t mean just a little wet around the eyes.  In seconds, I was practically sobbing. 

She was so kind.  She wrote a lovely inscription and shared a personal story much like the one I was relating to her that told me she understood (remember the conference was about empathy).  She’s got it.  I quickly escaped into the ladies room, where I cried even harder.

My friends and family know I am pretty much a world-class crier.  It is something I have been ashamed of all my life.  I sometimes cry at movies, weddings, funerals, at Mass and when I am very happy, sad or tired.  It has always seemed to me to be a major character flaw or at least a sign of weakness. 

Her keynote was spectacular.  She encouraged those of us who work in health care to “give someone a moment.”  By that she meant to move beyond the superficial, canned customer service that you get at any number of places that provide “scripts” for relating to people. 

After returning home, I sat down to read her book in more detail.  Her Life Lesson Number 7?  "Cry with someone.  It’s more healing than crying alone.” 

I wrote to her, on paper, at the Cleveland Plain Dealer, to thank her and explain in much more personal terms than I can here, the effect of our encounter. 

And in a truly lived life, there has to be more than those superficial exchanges with smiles and nods.  She sure gave me a moment I won’t ever forget.  And if you have not read the book, ask to borrow mine or buy one.  It’s worth it.